Friday, March 28, 2008
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
fighting off the quarter-life crisis
(*this is me on my most recent shoot checking out the new RED camera...)welp, it is here. the day i was plopped onto this earth has arrived. well, i didn't plop out today-today. let me take you back to '83, the year "terms of endearment" won the oscar and the swatch watch was invented. 1983. a simpler time. you remember...the "moonwalk" dominated dance floors worldwide. ah, yes. that early 80s. that's when little emoss entered the world.
as i sit here, clocked in at being 25 now for mere hours, i can't help but revel in a tad quarter-life crisis.
wait, let me rephrase or re-brand that.
it's not so much a "crisis" (a true "crisis" being something more along the lines of realizing there was a hole right in the crotch of my jeans or something). no, not a crisis. i guess i'm stuck in more of a quarter-life evaluation, my head filled with little "check boxes" and me asking myself to check "yes" if it's something i've completed or accomplished by now and "no" if it's yet to be tackled. the crisis, i guess, comes in realizing that the "no" boxes are dominating. that's what's frustrating to me, someone who is her own self-proclaimed hardest and worst critic.
i've decided to make myself and other around me, here and now, accountable for things i hope, no, WILL accomplish this year (in no particular order):
1) travel out of the country (preferably on a mission trip of some kind...)
2) read 3 books (i know that doesn't sound like a lot for an entire year but, trust me, it will be a challenge just to find the time...)
3) tidy up my drama pilot and put it in the hands of people who can make it a reality
4) write and direct a short
5) take an improv class
6) buy a piano (?...this is contingent of having a place to put it...)
7) make a demo reel for voiceover work
8) be involved in a play (either performing or behind-the-scenes)
9) do some acting
10) ride my bike more and drive less
11) WRITE...even it if's not perfect
12) volunteer (preferably in the medical field in some way...)
13) give more generously
14) change jobs...and get more responsibility!
15) eat healthier
16) learn how to say "no"
and the list goes on...
welp, now it's out there. in the ether or universe or wherever those things float. i'm determined to make 25 a year to remember...
Monday, March 24, 2008
what it means to have meaning
my grandma sent me a birthday gift today in the mail and inside was a small book entitled "reflective moments." a book such a this is something she gives about once a year. this one joins others i have at home, the likes of which range from "great toilet jokes" to "contemplations on God." each time she sends one, she never forgets to autograph the inside and mark it in time with a date. i love that about her.
i decided to start out my day today by reading the nearly 30 quotes in the book, hoping to have a few of my very own (as the book promised) "reflective moments."
some of the quotes were neither here nor there, probably ones i've heard before or things that just, to me, sounded kind of...well, cheesy. others, however, really gave me pause and made me think. i picked out my favorite ten and sent them out in an email to a few friends in hopes that one or more of them might strike a chord or bring poignancy.
one of the quotes was uttered in history by marcel proust, a french novelist, essayist, and critic who produced a very influential work in seven parts in the early 1900s entitled "in search of lost time." proust was quoted as saying:
"The only real voyage of discovery consists not in seeing new landscapes, but in having new eyes, seeing the universe with the eyes of another, of hundreds of others, in seeing the hundreds of universes that each of them sees."
the reason this quote resonates so deeply with me is because i thrive on learning about people. i define both being connected to the world around me and being connected to God by my connection to humanity. knowing people's stories, striving to identify or at least be open to their experiences, laughing with them, crying with them, having compassion. all of these things together (not one or the other) make up how i give meaning to life.
i was thinking the other day about the film "into the wild" and how it had such a profound impact on me. while many people found it to be extremely depressing (and by plot and circumstance it was), i came away from the film being inspired. the events that transpired are without a doubt tragic in every sense of the word. not only are they tragic, but the way that christopher leaves the world is also tragically ironic. and here, in this tragic irony, is where i found my inspiration. his need to escape all that he knew and set out on a journey alone to find the meaning of life ultimately gave him the answer he set out to find...just simply too late. after denying identity, family, friends, money, and the world and being isolated from civilization in every sense of the word, tears came to his eyes as he took his last breaths, mustering up any strength he had left to scribble on to paper this untimely revelation:
life doesn't mean anything unless you have someone to share it with...
do you see the inspiration that this brings!? if i hole up, isolate, think i can live this life all on my own, everything that "means" anything to me will die with me and, by therefore HAS NO MEANING...no way of living on. if i share a story or a moment or a photograph or an experience with someone, they, too, take something from that and, in turn, become a part of it. my meanings take on new meanings. life is shared and passed on. we become connected.
now, i say all of this ultimately realizing that the proverbial question of "what is the meaning of life" truly has its foundation in Christ. however, if we LOOK at the life of Christ...on Earth...he lived AMONGST the people, he traveled, shook their hands, held their children, ate at their tables, desired to SHARE life with them. and THIS allowed him to speak truth into their lives.
if we are willing to truly POUR into others, meeting them where they are and allowing the LORD to be the one to do the work, not only will our own lives take on new meaning, but the things we learn will be magnified by our shared experiences.
when i re-examine the quote from proust above, i can see the Lord speaking so clearly through the words.
we don't have to travel to distant lands to have distant experiences.
we don't have to look to the poorest of nations to find a poor battered soul.
we don't have to live away from sinners to stay away from sin.
we just need new eyes...
i decided to start out my day today by reading the nearly 30 quotes in the book, hoping to have a few of my very own (as the book promised) "reflective moments."
some of the quotes were neither here nor there, probably ones i've heard before or things that just, to me, sounded kind of...well, cheesy. others, however, really gave me pause and made me think. i picked out my favorite ten and sent them out in an email to a few friends in hopes that one or more of them might strike a chord or bring poignancy.
one of the quotes was uttered in history by marcel proust, a french novelist, essayist, and critic who produced a very influential work in seven parts in the early 1900s entitled "in search of lost time." proust was quoted as saying:
"The only real voyage of discovery consists not in seeing new landscapes, but in having new eyes, seeing the universe with the eyes of another, of hundreds of others, in seeing the hundreds of universes that each of them sees."
the reason this quote resonates so deeply with me is because i thrive on learning about people. i define both being connected to the world around me and being connected to God by my connection to humanity. knowing people's stories, striving to identify or at least be open to their experiences, laughing with them, crying with them, having compassion. all of these things together (not one or the other) make up how i give meaning to life.
i was thinking the other day about the film "into the wild" and how it had such a profound impact on me. while many people found it to be extremely depressing (and by plot and circumstance it was), i came away from the film being inspired. the events that transpired are without a doubt tragic in every sense of the word. not only are they tragic, but the way that christopher leaves the world is also tragically ironic. and here, in this tragic irony, is where i found my inspiration. his need to escape all that he knew and set out on a journey alone to find the meaning of life ultimately gave him the answer he set out to find...just simply too late. after denying identity, family, friends, money, and the world and being isolated from civilization in every sense of the word, tears came to his eyes as he took his last breaths, mustering up any strength he had left to scribble on to paper this untimely revelation:
life doesn't mean anything unless you have someone to share it with...
do you see the inspiration that this brings!? if i hole up, isolate, think i can live this life all on my own, everything that "means" anything to me will die with me and, by therefore HAS NO MEANING...no way of living on. if i share a story or a moment or a photograph or an experience with someone, they, too, take something from that and, in turn, become a part of it. my meanings take on new meanings. life is shared and passed on. we become connected.
now, i say all of this ultimately realizing that the proverbial question of "what is the meaning of life" truly has its foundation in Christ. however, if we LOOK at the life of Christ...on Earth...he lived AMONGST the people, he traveled, shook their hands, held their children, ate at their tables, desired to SHARE life with them. and THIS allowed him to speak truth into their lives.
if we are willing to truly POUR into others, meeting them where they are and allowing the LORD to be the one to do the work, not only will our own lives take on new meaning, but the things we learn will be magnified by our shared experiences.
when i re-examine the quote from proust above, i can see the Lord speaking so clearly through the words.
we don't have to travel to distant lands to have distant experiences.
we don't have to look to the poorest of nations to find a poor battered soul.
we don't have to live away from sinners to stay away from sin.
we just need new eyes...
outdoorsy trifecta
this saturday, at roughly the exact same time, my friend-group was split up, enjoying the outdoorsy trifecta of la livin':
ben, trac, cc, greg and co. were hiking up a strenuous yet beautifully serene trail in the mountains of topanga canyon.
dairek and erose were shredding snow on the slopes of big bear mountain.
emoss and amy were cruisin' along the beach and santa monica pier on bikes, playing catch in the sand and watching the sunset over the ocean.
THIS is why people move to los angeles...
thanks, lord!
ben, trac, cc, greg and co. were hiking up a strenuous yet beautifully serene trail in the mountains of topanga canyon.
dairek and erose were shredding snow on the slopes of big bear mountain.
emoss and amy were cruisin' along the beach and santa monica pier on bikes, playing catch in the sand and watching the sunset over the ocean.
THIS is why people move to los angeles...
thanks, lord!
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
it don't gotta be a masterpiece to make it art
It's 9:38 pm on a Monday night and I'm lying on my bed, shoes off and belly full of sushi (courtesy of Sushi Mac). I'm procrastinating wildly from going over to my army green shoulder bag and hauling out the actual work I need to get done for my day job. I'm instead wallowing in the fact that I'm pissed off at myself for not writing more. What's ironic about this moment is that right now, only a mere 10 feet away at my neighbor Chris' house, our writer's group is meeting. And I'm missing it. To...write?
You see, the thing I just realized is that the reason I'm so afraid to blog is because I feel like it has to be perfect. Moreover, I feel like it has to say something "important" or poignant. I don't feel like I can just write...say what's on my mind, spitball some ideas, post silly pictures. I've realized that I haven't posted anything since DECEMBER of 2007 because I've been waiting to have enough time to write what? And to that, I have no answer. What I've wound up actually doing is missing opportunities to write about thoughts and feelings I've had in many many moments over these past few months. And trust me, there have been A LOT. Especially in the last 3 weeks. And I've missed them because I've been too scared of not being "perfect."
So, screw that. I'm serious. SCREW THAT. Today I write simply to write. I don't have anything all that important to say. I might later, say in about 20 minutes or so. Or, you know what? I might not. I might not have one intelligible thing to say for a week. But that doesn't mean I can't write about what's going on...what I'm doing, who I'm meeting, what I'm feeling. THAT is what makes life livable. Our experiences. And the way WE specifically view them and go through them. That's what I can blog about: Life.
So, to start things off on the right foot, I'm just gonna take you through my day. And that'll be good enough, gosh darn it.
TODAY: March 18th 2008
Well, today started off on the WRONG foot. I've been promising myself that I'm going to start going to the gym or at the very least get active in some way. Yeah, that hasn't happened. I had planned to get up early this morning and hit the gym, come back and get ready and then head to work. After snoozing on my alarm for about an hour, I realized my morning plans were changing. There would be no aerobic activity for this little mossy. So I got in the car pissed off. Pissed off at my lack of discipline and also pissed off at the fact that I'm not gonna have a super-SVELT body for the beach this summer. (Sigh).
Today's my grandma's 78th birthday. Or, as she puts it, she's "17 for the 8th time." She's such a little biscuit. I gave her a buzz today to wish her a happy 17th and also to thank her for sending me a fat $$hundy for my birthday which is on Wednesday. With the gas prices the way they are, I need all the free money I can get. Holla.
Work was busy today. Mike was running around like crazy because he and Haco were leaving for Canada this evening and he was trying to get all his ducks in a row. For whatever reason DALLAS kicked back up today. This cat is on its 8th life. I kinda wish it would just die.
Current time: 11:43 pm. As I was writing this blog, my neighbor Chris came over and invited me to go and play ROCK BAND. I said "Ok, but just one song cause I have a lot of work to do.:" Cut to an hour and a half later and I'm back. Man, that thing is addictive. I'm a Medium level on pretty much everything (guitar, bass, singing, drums). I like the drums a lot. Tonight was my first time to play them and I already got Medium pretty well. I think I just have natural rhythm!
Anyway, now I REALLY can't waste any more time writing this blog cause I already did that playing ROCK BAND.
Peace. (PS - Tomorrow I'm working a screening for Film Independent for their director's series where David Fincher is speaking. Fun stuff!)
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