Tuesday, June 20, 2006


Why is it so hard for me to confront people about issues that are bothering me? I view myself as a fairly strong individual, but sometimes I just feel weak.

I've been trying to talk to my boss at work about something for over 3 weeks (and I've had plenty opportunities to do so) and it's frustrating the poop out of me how tough it is for me to just walk in there and say "Hey, can I talk to you for a sec?" Geez, what's so hard about that?

I once broke up with a boyfriend via email (an eloquent email, mind you) because I was afraid to talk to him face to face. Ok, "afraid" is the wrong word but what's a word that means "so totally freaked out about hearing his reaction and saying the wrong thing that I'm making myself sick in the way of frequent trips to the little ladies room." Is there a word for that? Most friends who called me "EMOSS" at the time of this virtual break-up started calling me "EMAIL" instead. I have to admit it was pretty embarrassing but it was totally true.

Do you ever have those moments where you totally had the power to stop something or change something and you just sat back with your mouth agape and watched it happen? That's how I feel every time I wuss out. I'm watching myself leave the office without saying anything and, at the same time, I'm screaming inside my own head "TALK TO HER YOU IDIOT. GROW SOME BALLS (well, not literally of course).

I'm having the hardest time figuring out why I can't confront people. Am I afraid to hurt their feelings? Yes. Am I afraid they will be "mad at me?" Yes. Am I afraid they won't like me anymore? Yes. I think I'm having a revelation as I'm typing this - I've unconsciously used the word "afraid" 3 consecutive times...I guess there's my answer. Why can't I confront people? I'm afraid to. (please refer to the paragraph above where I said "afraid" was the wrong word. you learn something new everyday...praise Jesus)

That's annoying. Fear is a powerful force. It can literally take someone who will gladly and voluntarily dress up in a unitard (flesh-colored) and dance to Paula Abdul's "Opposites Attract" and turn her into someone who can't even string a sentence together in front of her boss. (I'm talking about myself in both instances here) (ps - I also do a rousing rendition of "Straight Up" whilst wearing spandex bikers and a crop top).

(sigh) I'm exhausted of not being able to speak my mind.

I'm not sure how to combat the issue but I'm sure Paula might...

Any tips you may have would be greatly appreciated and your "comment" will serve as an I OWE YOU for a free 80s inspired dance performance.


Martha Elaine Belden said...

I used to SUCK at confrontation. But after a certain event changed my life my senior year in college and I became somewhat less concerned with what people thought of me and more concerned with preserving relationships (even if it/especially if meant bringing up the uncomfortable stuff -- as some like to call it "the big pink elephant in the room")... I became the expert confronter (not sure if that's a word). Anyway, what I've learned is... as long as you always confront in love... with the attitude and tone that you're only confronting out of concern for the person or the relationship (oftentimes both)... it is ALWAYS well received. And I've had some WAY difficult confrontations in the past three years (since said life-changing experience). And I'm not kidding when I say that every. single. one. ended well.

You just have to do it in humility. Never as an attack. And you'll be fine.

I don't know if this will help you at all... and this is a WAY long post (do you like how often I use all caps to emphasize things?). But I hope it does some good for you... 'cause I really do know how frustrating it is to fear confrontation with your entire being... 'cause, friend, I "been there done that."

Good luck :)

Syd said...

I think there's power in the Camel Toe. Draw power from the CT and confront away!!!

ps- You're better than you think. Just pray, and speak.

Anton said...

Emo Mcstreamo. At least it's an efficient form of communication, or something...la dee da.

Anton said...

I'm soooo tempted to post paragraph 3 on my blog...along with some other "eloquent" literature.